WISDOM OF THE SAGE (LET GO)




LET GO



After the crash of my first relationship, I was sulked up into pain. I loved her truly, being my first love.

I couldn't stomach the pain, I cried when we broke up



 (which to you might sound funny).


For a while I couldn't let go of the fact that she had moved on so quickly. 
I tried reconnecting back to her but to no avail.

Then one day I said to myself 
"You are hurting yourself when she has already moved on like you don't exist, you will find love again."

 Some part of me believed that while some part didn't.
It was a tough process as I avoided every communication with any lady, I wasn't really friendly though. 



I took life pretty serious. You wouldn't catch me smiling.

With so much sense of rejection within, inferiority complex set in, I was timid to say the least.
I love girls, but the thought of loving again scared me. 
For  years, I avoided relationships or friendships, I felt this unworthiness anytime I had a shot at relationships. To the extent, I told a girl, I didn't deserve her.

I loved with pity, so therefore I wanted anyone who I had to to be with, to feel pity for me before love.

I, at that time had no male friends either because I was altogether isolated. To me I felt I had moved on, but one part of me had not let go.


It was a pretty tough struggle. 

Gradually, I started over coming it, I became engaged in lucrative activities and got closer to God, I at this time realized my potentials that were locked up during my phase of holding on to what hurt me.

I became free within, I then stopped being too serious with life, sleeping with less worries unlike before. 

I became social. Infact social media helped me. I also got involved in writing and Blogging, while I took my love for cooking to greater heights. I didn't even realize when finally I did let go. Have you found yourself in a similar situation or are you that person who has tried countless times to let go? truth is, it's not easy, neither is it simple, but as you get along in life, Focus your energy on YOU, exhume your hidden talents instead, bring to life your creative passions and make it a point of duty to get closer to God. Focus your energy positively on developing your God given talents. and not on that person that caused your so much hurt and pain. When you energy is focused fully on these, you will have reasons to and you wouldn't even know when you did let go.
Letting go is a gradual process. It's not immediate, especially if you made some compromise or commitment. 
Know this fact that you deserve better. Make a deliberate effort to free your mind off that ugly past so you can find love again and enjoy every moment of it in a wholesome way. Engage yourself in things that bring out the best not the beast in you. And put God first in whatever future decisions you will undertake through effective and fervent prayers.
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BLESSING IN DISGUISE

I forgot to turn off the lights in my car and killed the battery. It was a late Friday morning, I’d slept in after a late night out. I was an unemployed teacher, newly divorced, no health insurance, fighting against admitting that the pains in my legs were sciatica due to ruptured discs that needed surgery.

The plan was to get away for a few days, take my kayak up to Canada and go camping on a remote island. Think about life. Run a few rapids. Hike a little. Try to ignore the pain in my body, the emptiness in my soul, and the lack of a real future.

I’d packed everything the afternoon before so I could just get up and get on the road, so I was very annoyed when I turned the key and didn’t even get a click from the starter. I tried the lights, nope. I tried the horn, it made a weak squawk then died. Totally dead battery.

Crap.

Grumbling to myself, I got the battery charger out of the box marked “garage” on the porch of my apartment and hooked it up to the dead battery in my car. With an hour to kill, I went inside to check e-mails and cruise the net.

There was the usual pile of low priority semi-spam in my inbox, including a notification from the NY state public school teaching job message board. I hadn’t seen anything useful on the site for over a month; it was past the main April/May hiring time and before the August panic. The body of the message didn’t show anything, but on a whim I clicked on it to check out the full listings.

Near the bottom of the list there was an ad for an opening for a Physics(Chemistry/Biology) teacher, 5+ years experience preferred, deadline for applications this coming Monday at 8 AM. Somehow I’d missed hearing about this opening; it had been on the board for almost a month. I checked out the location… rural school, about a half hour away from Albany, in the foothills of the Green/Berkshire/Taconic mountains. My kind of place. I checked out the travel time… about two hours away.

If I could get cleaned up, get my professional things together and get my car to start in less than an hour then I could just about make it there before everyone left for the weekend. If nothing else, I could take a look at the place and I could make sure that my application was on the top of the pile in the principal’s inbox for the Monday morning deadline.

My car didn’t start until after a full hour on the charger, so I got to the school just as all of the kids were stampeding out the door and onto the buses. The first person I talked to out in front of the school just happened to be the principal. He noticed the kayak up on top of my car, and since he is an outdoors-person we hit it off immediately. What followed was the best non-interview interview of my life; I was the man with all of the right answers.

“We’re replacing a third of the staff next year, we could use someone with experience.”

“I’ve been teaching eleven years.”

“This is a rural school. It’s not like teaching in the suburbs.”

“Yeah, the school I taught at was in the middle of the Adirondack Mountains… much smaller than this place actually.”

“The listing says Physics, but the person we hire will need to cover another science. We’re not sure which one right now, either Chem or Bio.”

“Not a problem. I’m certified in all three of those. And Earth Science. And General Science too. And I’ve taught them all. Several times in fact.”

It went like that for the entire hour that I was there, and after it was done I drove away with a very good job in my pocket, the day before it was going to go away. After ten years in this job I still think I am one of the luckiest teachers in New York State. I have a great administration (both are former science teachers), a very supportive community, easy students to work with, excellent co-workers, a great workspace, lots of materials and supplies, and the freedom to innovate. Every morning I wake up to fresh air and a view of the mountains. My commute to work is 5 minutes by car, 8 minutes by bike, and 10 minutes by hiking through the woods. I do not need to lock my house when I leave, or lock my car or my bike on the end of the commute. I live close enough to a city that I can get a dose of culture or find things that I need when I want them, but far enough away that I don’t have to deal with the drawbacks of urban or suburban life. Ten years later I still think that I’ve found my perfect job.
And if my car had started that morning, I’d never have found it.

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MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE BEING POOR

I got my girlfriend pregnant on purpose when I was a junior in high school figuring that would get me out of the house before my father would kill me.

Here I was, 17 years of age married and with a child. I didn’t receive help from anyone. I worked pumping fuel at a truck stop 12 hours a day, 7 days a week making $2 an hour with no time and a half for the overtime.

Yes, we were poor. I can remember one time our electricity was turned off due to non-payment. I lived in a second floor apartment so I ran an extension cord out the window and to the basement to use the landlord’s electric.

In that period there were times a car would quit running on me and I didn’t have the money to buy another one. If I couldn’t bum a ride to work, I would hitchhike.

There was a time I had one terrible toothache but the dentist wouldn’t take me unless I paid the $20 in advance. I went through many days of pain before I was able to come up with the money.

We had it very rough for a long time but it isn’t something that really bothered us. To us it was the way life was.

After a couple of years we were able to move into the projects which really helped. Believe me, I lived around some really wild and crazy people but at least my rent was lower. Then I found that a lot of my neighbors sold their food stamps each month for 50% of face value. I had a buddy that owned a store and asked him if he would give me cash for food stamps. We made a deal and he only took 10% for each transaction. This really helped with my finances for quite a while.

As time went by I found jobs that paid more. After working a few jobs, I got a job in a machine shop and I learned every machine in the shop earning the title of General Machinist. That was more pay than machine operator and a bit of an honor since the company had not given anyone that title in 10 years.

Meet Daddy Doo-Wop: I loved music and had a lot of records and one day a friend of mine asked me if I would bring my record player up to the recreation hall and play music for his son’s birthday. I did and it went over so well that I got to thinking, “I could probably make money at this.” I spent a year gathering more music and cataloging my music collection so I could find my songs easily when they were requested. When it came time to get my first gig, I found I couldn’t get anyone to hire me since I had no references at all. My son played football for the Police Athletic League so I went to the committee and said, “I would like you to have an oldies dance. I will make all the arrangements, I will take care of the food, I will sell the tickets and I will be your DJ for $100 and you take all the profit.” The hall I held the oldies dance in held 250 people, and I sold 250 tickets. That night came and it was a huge success. Over the course of the night everyone started calling me Daddy Doo-Wop and I kept that name. Shortly after that night I was in a bar one night and I heard the man next to me telling someone that he had just purchased a bar and he was going to hire a DJ so I said, “Why don’t you hire me?” The man said, “Who the hell are you?” I said, “I am Daddy Doo-Wop.” The man said, “Daddy Doo-Wop? I don’t want a nobody for my DJ, I am going to have a top DJ from the radio station.” A few weeks later the phone rang and it was the bar owner. He asked me to come over and talk to him about being a DJ at his bar. He also told me that he had several requests for me to be the DJ there. I worked that bar every Friday Night for 14 years and we had a good crowd every night I worked there. My business also grew to the point where I was getting enough calls to keep 3 or 4 other DJs busy with my overflow work and I made money off of them.

After being at the machine shop for 16 years, they closed and were able to show that they closed due to foreign competition. Due to that, I was able to go to school under a program that was fully funded by the government. They also paid me $340 a week while going to school. I was 40 years of age when I went to school and it sure was a lot of work for this brain. I took an accelerated course to earn my Associate Degree in Business Data Processing/Networking Technologies. That course was one year instead of two, so I sure did a lot of homework every night after being in classes all day from 9 til 5. Once I obtained that degree, I continued on and earned my Novell Network Engineer Degree.

Let me add that in the time-frame above I also managed a large Veterans Of Foreign Wars Club for 12 years. After earning my degrees I worked at the VFW as a bartender for a while, and then my break came. A friend of mine worked at a large leasing and lending company. He was a friend of the woman that was a manager in portfolio administration, and found that she was about to hire an employee – so he asked her to give me an interview. I was hired for that position, and I worked very hard. Eleven months later there was an opening in IT so I requested to be interviewed for that. My current manager called the interviewing manager and gave me a great reference. The interview lasted about 10 minutes and the salary negotiation lasted over 30 minutes and at the end of the interview, the manager said, “If you work half as hard as you negotiate a salary, I am going to be darn pleased with you.”

From day one of working in IT, I worked my ass off. Every time a special project would come up, I would volunteer to do it. There was a process that needed to be done at the end of the month, every month. To run that process you would be up all night long on a Saturday Night, and I took responsibility of that process. I was salaried so I didn’t receive extra pay for doing this. About 10 months after I was in the group, my manager left and I was offered the manager position. I worked hard and made sure everything was being done properly by my employees, but I was very good to my employees. Every so often I would go over to one or two of them and say, “Tomorrow is going to be a nice day. Take the day off tomorrow and it won’t count against your vacation.” Also, we had a full kitchen in the office and every Friday I would make breakfast for my employees and deliver it to their desk. They deserved the extras because every one of them worked really hard for me.

One night my manager asked me to go out for a couple of beers with him. While we were there I told him about the extra days off that I give to my employees and he said, “I don’t care what you are doing, just keep doing it. I have not had one complaint about your department since you took it over.”

Then after seven years of being manager, my manager left and the bitch from hell became my manager. That woman did everything in her power to make me look bad and wouldn’t even try to hide it. Also, every quarter I had to do employee reviews and before sitting down with my employees, she would make me take the reviews I created to her and she would change them giving all my employees a lower review than I had given them. I was determined that she was not going to break me, but she did. Finally I had a nervous breakdown. My wife took me to a good psychiatrist and she determined that my manager was treating me mentally just like my father treated me as a child. Because of that, I was not only dealing with the pain of the way she treated me, it was also bringing back memories of my childhood. My psychiatrist then told me that she could never allow me to go back in the workforce taking the chance of being treated that way again so she had me put on disability.

I guess it was a good thing she had me placed on disability because I have had a bad back since my teens from all the kicks to the back I received as a child and my back progressively got worse through the years. Then about 10 years ago I was in a motorcycle accident which made it worse. To make matters worse I was in an automobile accident three years ago and that did my back in. After that accident I live with daily back pain.

Let me add that my first marriage lasted 25 years and we had three wonderful sons that all grew up to be fine young men. I re-married to a wonderful woman who has two children (who are now adults). I told my wife that the day we get married, her two children will then be my children also. Her daughter calls me Daddy and loves being with me no matter what I am doing. We do a lot of fishing together, shooting guns and cruising in my Mustang. Our daughter lives close by and is also very helpful around here.

I must say, I have lived a very interesting life and I never need to make up a story because I never run out of true stories to tell.

When I was a child there was a man in town that would take a bunch of us kids night fishing behind his house. He was probably about the most poor person I have ever met in my life. We would be sitting there on a rock holding a stick with a small fish at the end into the fire and he would often say, “I wonder what the poor people are doing right now.” Those are words I will never forget. Yes, financially the man was poor but he was rich on life.

Edit: It was requested that I add a picture of my boys.

Also, thank you for all the up-votes and nice comments. I was surprised at some of the comments since when I wrote this; I didn’t feel it was so much out of the ordinary since that was the life I lived.

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THE HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE

In fourth grade, we had a computer teacher (we’ll call her R). EVERYONE hated her, and I mean EVERYONE (the fourth grade actually started a petition to get her fired, she was THAT bad). She was mean, loud, always angry, and seemed to hate kids. Why she decided to be a teacher, I’ll never know why.

We only had computers once a week on Wednesdays, and so I would always dread Wednesdays. I was a kid who always wanted to please people, I wanted everyone to accept me, but I suffered from epilepsy, and still suffer from ADHD and anxiety, so I wasn’t the best at listening, and needed to be told certain things a couple of times. Apparently, this made me R’s ‘problem child.’

Every week I did something wrong, whether it be I was a little more behind on work than the others (I go to special classes because I’m considered ‘a little slow’), I’d forget where a certain button was on the screen or keyboard, you get the idea. R was extremely annoyed with me, and it drove me insane that someone, especially an authority figure, didn’t like me!

So one day, after a few weeks of me seeming to screw everything up, I decided I was going to go one day, ONE day, without messing up AT ALL. Everything was going to be PERFECT. My focus was at 100%, I followed instructions perfectly, I copied exactly what R was showing us to do, I even wore a cute black polka dot dress that I thought she’d like!

At the end of the class, I ran out of the computer lab cheering for myself in my head because everything had gone off without a hitch! Maybe I wasn't a giant nuisance after all, maybe R wouldn’t hate me anymore, maybe…

Until…

“Kaitlyn, come back into the room please, you forgot to put your keyboard away.”

Oh no.

Dread filled my little 10 year old stomach. I slunk back into her classroom, my heart pounding.

As I began to do the simple task of stacking my keyboard onto my monitor, R decided this would be the perfect opportunity to start bitching me out.

“This is every week for you.”

“Wh-what?”

“This. Is every week for you.”

“I’m sorry, I just forgot to-“

“Why do you have such trouble following directions? All of your classmates can do the work perfectly!”

“I just forgot, ok?”

As I tried to walk out of the classroom with a shred of dignity, R blocks my exit and starts YELLING.

“Do NOT walk away when I am speaking to you! You are the rudest, most incompetent child I have ever met! Apologize right now!”

At this point I was standing there crying, cowering. “I’m s-sorry!”

“You better be! I’ve had you in my class all year, and I can tell you, you’re nothing but a bitch, you’re never going to amount to anything because you can’t follow simple instructions, and even the simplest of tasks seem to be too difficult for you to handle!”

This. Teacher. Called. A 10 Year Old. A bitch.

At this point my polka dotted dress which previously held so much hope was now soaked with tears. I was bawling my eyes out and shivering under the cold glare of R.

She pointed towards the door. “Get back to class!”

I ran out of her room, crying hysterically. All my classmates saw my tear stained face and instantly knew what was up.

I never wore that polka dotted dress again, but the good news is: I’m now only 16 and self employed, but R got fired from the school after that year!

How’s THAT for never amounting to anything, R?


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